Enlightening Thought #21

You know those times when you think in circles?

Oh! Does he like me? Do I like him? Why do I like him? Is it just because I have a chance with him (we're both desperate) or because I genuinely like him? Do I want to date him? Does he want to date me? Am I any good in relationships? What if I botch everything up? AHH!

Or:

Ugh, I'm bored. Woot, I'll watch a movie! Fuck... I'm too bored to watch a movie. Ooh, my friend just sent me a link; he says it's amusing. Damn it all! I'm too bored to click on that link and then pay attention... What do I do? I'm still freaking bored!

Or:

I'm hungry. Wait, I can't eat; I'm too fat. But... I'm hungry! I want sugar! Well, I'll just eat an apple then, that has sugar. Wait, apples aren't filling... I know! I'll eat cookies and ice cream again (lolwut. Logic fail. Cookies and ice cream aren't filling either). No, I can't eat that; I'll just get fatter. But... I'm hungry still! Fuck it all, I'll eat the goddamned cookie. (nomnomnom) I'm still hungry. Time to eat ice cream! (nomnomnom). Hm, too much junk food, I'll balance that with an apple. (nomnomnom).



You think and think and you worry and worry and you question and question until... 5, 10, or 30 minutes of your life has passed by, and yet, you've accomplished absolutely nothing.

You know what you should do instead?

Either act on your gut instinct or simply stop thinking.

Remember, it truly is possible to think too hard.
Stop. You don't want to hurt yourself.

Enlightening Thought #20

Sometime in the past two weeks, I decided that I needed a new pair of sunglasses. I headed over to some websites and began browsing through pages upon pages of lenses. Wayfarers looked pretty enticing. They were colorful and bright (summery and sunshiney!)... and had been popular in the 1960's - the same time Converses had become popular. And OMFG, I love Converses. I figured I could just adopt the 60's style or something and leave this century behind.

WRONG.

I ran into a road block when I discovered I couldn't decide between the red and white Wayfarers. So I went to Google and image searched "Wayfarers" to see how different colors looked on different people.

And what was I met with?

THIS.


Is he constipated?

And worse yet...

THIS.


I make duck lips yay. (Actually, I'm not sure which one is worse.)

I felt so scarred. But at least I was saved.

The moral of the story?

Do a Google search before making any major life decisions.

Or your face may become permanently stuck in the "D:" position.

Enlightening Thought #19

As Juliana noted in her comment on Enlightening Thought #17, many of my posts have been rather contradictory. Seventeen advocated hoping for the best, while fifteen was about preparing for the worst. Fifteen was also about the fact that how we tend to be overconfident, while four was about how we have reason to believe in ourselves.

So how exactly are these opposing ideas supposed to help anybody towards becoming a better person?

Very carefully is how. Don't be a mere sheep and obey everything that others say. Use your brain and think about which approach would be best for your circumstances. If somebody tells you to jump, don't ask, "How high?" Rather, think about how you may benefit, compare those benefits with those from a different course of action. Analyse your options, and once again, behave rationally. After all, you don't want to be the subject of this article.

While I aim to bring only the best words of advice to the readers of Fail Thoughts, not everything will apply to you. Some ideas will help more than others.

Use your judgement.

Don't be like them.

Enlightening Thought #18

When I'm at work, the thing I love most is seeing the kids I tutor smile. If you don't know about Kumon, it is a learning center dedicated to stretching young children beyond their mental and cognitive abilities, starting at a very early age. They are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the center, sat down in a chair and forced to do anywhere from 5 - 10 pages of math and reading problems for the bragging rights of their parents. Needless to say, they are usually in a gloomy, miserable and generally unhappy state of mind.


(Notice how even the smiley is not smiling!)

Back when I first started working at Kumon, I despised it. I had an utterly terrible time at work. The kids hated the packets, the bosses hated me, I hated the lack of contribution I seemed to be making, and it all added up to a less than unrewarding experience.


(They usually don't look this happy...)

As time passed, however, I learned to appreciate the children. While the other kids were biking with their friends on Friday nights, these kids were stuck here doing math problems with me. I know I can never make up for the lost hours of their childhood, but I try my best to make them happy. I try to communicate with them, listen to them tell me about their day, share jokes, and give them something to laugh about in the bleak half an hour that they spend at the center.

And I've realized that it doesn't take that much to make people smile. A little goodness can go a long way as each little piece adds up. Instead of being a silent, monotonous statue all the time,

Try to brighten up someone's day.

Seeing the kids smile gives me something to smile about, and realizing that the time they spend with me is not all torture and waste makes my job that much more pleasant and rewarding. Even if you don't think it's a lot to listen to someone's stories or share a friendly laugh, it can make their day just a little bit better and brighter to try.

Enlightening Thought #17

This post took forever to write. Why? Because I couldn't think of any new experiences that met the two unspoken blog requirements of Fail Thoughts:

1. That it is about a shittily universal experience.
2. That it is written from a somewhat humorous perspective.
   

So what does this mental block mean? Is everything in my life all peaches and cream-like? And are these peaches stuffed with happiness and joy?


(Yum, delicious!)

Or is there nothing in my life that I may laugh at? Is my life so goddamned sucky that there is no reason to crack even the slightest smile?

Is everything wonderful, or is everything terrible?

Well, to answer the (rhetorical) question, it's obviously a mix between the two. Just today, I smiled and I cried. (Oh, the wonderful hormones of a woman!) The scale may shift towards one end one day, but move towards the other at a different moment.

But that leads me to another question; which extreme is life closer to?

And to answer that question, I have no idea. However, I do know which life I would prefer, and that would be a joy-filled life where I have reason to laugh. Yes, this is unrealistic. Hopefully though, the simple act of keeping this ideal in mind will help tip the balance away from the black doom of the other.

Thus, to close this long-winded ramble, your newest enlightening thought is this:

Hope for happier days, and you will receive happier days.

Enlightening Thought #16

With a site titled "fail thoughts," I figured we should address failure more often. Many of the thoughts on here actually result in fail, but never do we bring up anything that is already fail. Enjoy.



















[Images courtesy of failblog]

Enlightening Thought #15

In light of recent events, I feel a need to address Enlightened Thought #4. Actually, this is more of an off-shoot from the earlier blog than a counter-post.

So, a few months ago, I had applied for a prestigious summer research internship. I was contacted for an interview, and upon leaving the lab, I felt that I was extremely qualified for the position. After all, I had prior research experience, I knew how to use all of the tools in the lab, I had top-notch numbers, and I was going to Caltech, for heaven's sake!

And then, I checked the mail:
I was rejected.

The letter of consolation said that I should be proud of being in the top third of applicants. Top third? 33%?! I should be proud of that? I've been in the top 5% of everything my entire life! I'm the goddamn Batman!

That letter opened the floodgates for a chain reaction of self-doubt. I thought, "What if I'm not really that great? What if this is a sign of failure? What if I never end up achieving my dreams?"

Thankfully, the answer miraculously appeared:

Don't be overconfident. Expect and prepare for the worst.

Sooner or later, your lucky streak will end, and you don't want all of your doors locked shut.



Not everybody will always think that you're a piece of HOT shit.

Enlightening Thought #14

People today live in the fast lane. We live in a world where we're always rushing to start something, rushing to finish something, rushing to get somewhere, and rushing to leave somewhere. There's simply always more that we need to do.

People today live life loud (damn, that's some nice alliteration right there!). There's always somebody saying something to us, some sort of noise in the background (construction, traffic, or that person who just won't stop nagging at us...), music playing, or something. Anything.

The only chance we have to slow and quiet down is in those few minutes before sleep. Even then, our thoughts are usually rushing around in our mind, reminding us of the shitton of stuff that we have to attempt to accomplish tomorrow.

As a result, we lead stressed, hectic, frazzled, and all-around unhappy lives.

And so, to right this terrible wrong, and to make life calmer and smoother, I offer to you the following piece of wisdom:

Listen to soothing music.

No metal, no pop, no indie, etc. Don't listen to anything where any words and lyrics are actually understandable.



Granted, you won't be in complete silence, but this will be the closest to catharsis as you'll ever get.

My own personal suggestions include: Sigur Ros (Post-rock), Radiohead (Experimental rock), Ravel (Classical), and Saint-Saens (also Classical).

Enlightening Thought #13

Today, instead of plugging in the ear buds to my Zune and listening to my newest music downloads, I dug out my CD player. I slipped in an old mix CD a friend had made for me in middle school, and turned the volume up.

As I listened to the notes, the memories began to rush back into my head. Networks of connections that had been left untouched for years lit up once again in my mind, and the notes tightened and pulled on a strand of my heart. The rhythms reverberated through my body as the visualizations took me back to the innocent sunsets and magnificent fireworks of the summer before high school.



At first, I was afraid to let go of the present. What was in the here and now, I could deal with. The past was so distant and delicate that even the thought of it could drive painful stakes into the path of my life. It was not somewhere I wanted to go, nor did I want the memories to make me weak in the present.

But then I settled back and just let the memories flow through me. It was a wonderful feeling. The past is a part of who I am and always will be. Reminiscence can make me weak, but the lessons and wisdom will make me strong. It is my experiences that make up who I am, and the experiences that I must accept in order to be capable of living in the present and moving into the future.

And so I realized that

It's okay to lose yourself in your past once in a while.

Because the experiences we have are what make us unique and different, but also what connect us to the larger context of humanity. The present is just the departure of the past and the arrival of the future. Our memories are a part of who we are.

Enlightening Thought #12

Today's 4/20, the day of revelry for potheads! Today's also a Monday, the day of my weekly piano lesson.

Prior to my lesson, I'd been extremely sleepy and grumpy, and I simply was in a flat-out bad mood. But after an hour of musical goodness (granted, most of it was filled with my teacher pointing out mistakes...), I felt whole enough. Happy and free. I was riding my own natural high.

The point of this brief post?
Don't do drugs.

Get high off of music.

Now, I'm off to enjoy some more music. You should be too!

Enlightening Thought #11

Last year, I read the book Siddhartha, which is about a little Indian boy who goes on a spiritual journey in search of enlightenment. When he first left his home, he joined a band of ascetics traveling through his village. Asceticism is the act of depriving oneself of life's worldly pleasures, which includes everything from sex and alcohol to food and clothing.



Why would anyone do that to themselves? Imagine yourself in this situation. You would probably be begging for a TV break and pissing and moaning about how you need to check your facebook in case you have some new notifications. Feeling real enlightened by that "which superhero are you" quiz yet?

In reality, asceticism is not about the pain caused by these deprivations, but the obstacles caused by indulgence that are in the way of ultimate spiritual freedom. It is the process of overcoming the material world.

I'm not going to say that this is true all the time, or for all things, but this is what I have concluded:

Only when you have nothing, can you truly appreciate everything.

Pretty good, eh? Someone should quote me.

Enlightening Thought #10

Ever since I read Enlightening Thought #9, I've experienced a drainage of inspiration, witty ideas, and flashes of brilliance. The cause? Juliana jinxed both of us writers, the readers, and everybody else who aims for perfection.

Yes, she jinxed it.

No, it's most definitely not my fault... because nothing's ever my fault! It's always somebody else's problem. Somebody else caused it; somebody else needs to fix it. I'll just laze around on the sidelines and then reap all of the benefits.

I can't write because failthoughts is jinxed. Or maybe it's fate! Or perhaps God's condemning us all for being the sinners we all are! Whatever happens, it's not my fault.



Is that your attitude towards life? That you're being victimized by society? That fate is screwing you over? That you always have terrible luck? That God's not hearing your pleas and prayers? If it is, you're screwing yourself over. It's not fate; it's you.

Instead of blaming others and pointing fingers, look in the mirror at your reflection, see your lack of initiative.

Then...

Take action.

Enlightening Thought #9

I've sat around, trying to come up with something enlightening to share all day. After a few hours, I am still here, staring at a blank page. 5 minutes away from rolling into bed, with shitloads of homework to do.



Here's my piece of wisdom for today. If you're out of inspiration and tired as hell, just remember this:

Don't think too hard.

You might hurt yourself.

Enlightening Thought #8

I just finished talking to a friend about relationships, especially about our experiences from high school dating. After telling him about a guy I dated in my sophomore year and about a few of the almost-relationships I've had since, he asks me, "Why do women always fall for the philanderers?"



... Why indeed? Why do we not learn from our mistakes and quit falling for the players, for the cheaters, and for the assholes? Why do we not go off and date the nice guys?

Because we're women. Flighty, manipulative, and overly superficial. Enough said.

Haha, just kidding.

It's because, instead of listening to logic, reason, and the sound advice from our closest friends, we tend to disregard their words and choose to follow our heart and its yearnings instead...

And so, to advise you along your path towards enlightenment and nirvana:

Learn from your mistakes by looking at things rationally.

Enlightening Thought #7

OK, I'll admit it; I'm a complainer. I complain about everything, from having too much homework to being bored and having nothing to do. From being fat to being hungry. From being lonely to being hated. Etc etc.



So if you're anything like me, here's some advice that I, too, need to follow: Nobody likes complainers. And if you're so damned passionate and vocal about how much your life sucks, then get off your fat ass go do something!

If you have too much homework, shut up and start plowing away at it. If you have nothing to do, go help out around the house. If you're fat, then go jog! If you're hungry, use your common sense and eat something.

I will reiterate. If you feel lonely and/or hated, now you know why. You complain. Either suck it up and deal with it or, even better,

Shut the fuck up and change yourself.

Enlightening Thought #6

Are you one of those people who post n (n>100) facebook statuses per hour? Do you enjoy torturing others with the boredom of your minute-to-minute activities?



Here's a piece of advice for you:

There are some things you just keep to yourself.

And in this case, it's just about everything that you feel the urge to post on your wall about.

John Smith is bored.
John Smith is really bored.
John Smith needs something to do.
John Smith is leaving the computer.
John Smith likes the weather.
John Smith has an itch in his ear.
John Smith is tying his shoelaces.
John Smith is eating tape.
John Smith updates his status too damn much.

Same with those melodramatic, over-the-top statuses.

Joe Smith just had the worst day ever and is going to slit his wrists now k thx bye!
Joe Smith feels like the world just ended and he needs a fucking break from his fucking life!
Joe Smith just had the worst hour ever - his stupid sister stole his stupid math book and won't give it back. His math homework isn't due for two weeks but he really needs something to complain about. Life is stupid.
Joe Smith is sick of life and is going to deactivate his facebook if no one likes this status!

Here's the thing. Upon reading your statuses, those who don't give a shit still won't give a shit. Those who give a shit are probably creepers tracking your every move. They probably also know where you live, have your 11 digit number memorized backwards, and stand outside your window with night vision goggles at 3 in the morning. Do you really want those people knowing every detail of your life?

So what's the upside to all this? There is none. Posting a status about something insignificant that happened to you does not automatically make it significant. No one really gives a shit whether you're eating tacos or burritos, and no one cares if you need to defecate.

Please find something more useful to do with your life. k thx bye.

Enlightening Thought #5

A few nights ago, Jenn and I sat here trying to come up with a good name for this blog. We started out with things like "daily dose of enlightenment" and "enlightening thought of the day," eventually making our way up (or down) to "fail thoughts." What the hell were we thinking? Honestly, we just wanted to finish this and go eat cake, so we threw all that fancy schmancy shiz in the tagline, which no one ever reads. We thought we did pretty well.

Moral of the story?

Keep it simple.

Because no one needs a name that is the equivalent of giving a literary blowjob to a blog with an oversized dick.

Enlightening Thought #4

After gorging myself with junk food and sweets today, I felt absolutely gross and started complaining to a friend--"I'm fat! I'm ugly! AHH!" And then he responded, "At least you're cool."



And so, on those days when you feel like utter shit, remember this: no matter how terrible you may look, somebody, somewhere, thinks that

You are pretty damn cool.

So while you may look and feel like a piece of shit, at least somebody out there thinks that you're HOT shit.

Enlightening Thought #3

After a failed attempt to cook with my family this past Easter, I resigned to watching my mom chop onions while I beat eggs instead. As my eyes filled up with tears from the seemingly endless onion pile, I had my amazing thought of the day:

Life is like an onion.

Nothing too complicated here.

Both make you bawl your eyes out for no good reason, and each time you peel off another layer, you think you're getting closer to the secrets of life. But what do you get instead?

The same damn thing.

There's your enlightening thought of the day.

Enlightening Thought #2

So it's nearing midnight, which normally isn't late for me (but that's just because I have a terrible sleep schedule). And all these thoughts are running through my mind...

And then, an epiphany:

Sometimes, you just have to let go.

Those thoughts about your upcoming interview, AP exams, prom, taxes, walking the dog, dropping the kids off at daycare... Ignore them. Empower (and enlighten) yourself and sleep for once! (It isn't only for the weak).

So, I guess it's time for me to take my own advice.

Enlightening Thought #1

The insight that kicked it off.



While sitting on a bus to Boston, close to midnight and after a hectic day, I started to doze off. A movie with bright flashes of lime green, neon pink, and zebra was playing on the tiny screen above my head. I paid little attention, only semi-interested in the activities taking place in Zoolander. And then one line in the script hit me with surprising clarity.

"There's more to life than just being really, really, ridiculously good looking."

That's it.

And the best part is, it's pretty much self-explanatory.