Enlightening Thought #27

Recently, headlines have spilled out that have sparked some controversy. The focus is centered around the problem of obesity. Considering 40% of people in the United States are morbidly obese, you are probably one of them. And you better stop eating and start running, now.


The Golden Rule: If it looks good, don't eat it.

According to research and some common sense, and to put it bluntly, fat people are destroying the planet. Food production is a major contributor to global warming. If you shut your mouth once in a while and stopped stuffing it with unhealthy junk, the polar bears (along with the rest of us) would definitely appreciate it. Studies have also proven that since fat people breathe more heavily, they generate more carbon dioxide. When the amount of CO2 generated by fat people is greater than the amount of CO2 inhaled by trees, the rest of the world has to deal with the leftover shit. Think about it - fat people actually overproduce green house gases. This calls for a "wtf" moment. Wtf?

The moral of the story is:

Don't be a fatass.

So unless your obesity is actually a result of a hypothalamus defect, please, just stop eating so much. Think of the children and the future generations of people who could be living in a dire world of pollutants that are a result of fat people emissions. Please consider their health.

Thank you.

Enlightening Thought #25

Have you heard the story of the paper bag princess? If you haven't, here it is in all of its glory. (Actually, this is a re-telling from my memory, and possibly not completely accurate.) The paper bag has also been replaced with an IKEA bag.



Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a galaxy far, far away. She was destined to marry a very, very, very good-looking prince, who had never read Enlightening Thought #1 and thus did not understand that there was much more to life than just being really, really, ridiculously good-looking. So one day, while they were sitting around doing nothing, because that's what people in fairy tales do, a very angry dragon (we aren't sure why he was angry, but he was) swooped into the kingdom and destroyed everything, including the clothes they were wearing. The princess had no choice but to wear an IKEA bag. The prince was devastated because all of his material possessions had been burned to ashes. The dragon locked him up in the dungeon, where he wept tears of sorrow and pity and felt sorry for himself. The princess, on the other hand, came up with some amazing tricks and outwitted the dragon by having him fly around the world a couple of times and do other outrageous things. When he finally finished all of her tasks, he dropped down into an exhausted heap and fell into a very deep sleep (and possibly into the same realm that Sleeping Beauty dwells in). The princess, exhausted and weary and covered with dragon breath, went to rescue her prince in distress. The prince, still bleary-eyed and upset about his losses, took one look at the princess and turned up his nose, announcing that he shall not be rescued until she looked more princess-y and better suited his tastes. At this point, the princess realized what a jerk the prince was, and ditched his sorry ass. She lived happily ever after with her best friend, Jennifer.

The end.

The moral of the story? (There are two!)

1. If he's a materialistic jerk, don't waste your time.
2. Don't use paper or plastic bags - get reusable ones from IKEA!

Paper bags are actually worse than plastic bags when it comes to the environment. They generate 70% more air and 50 times more water pollutants than plastic bags, and take 84 times more energy to recycle than a plastic bag. The best thing to do would be to avoid both plastic and paper bags, and opt for a reusable bag!

Do your part to get rid of the superficial idiots in the world, and help save the environment too!